I think Simon Cowell is a great judge on American Idol. But I'm beginning to suspect he is a lousy boyfriend.

Half the advantage of dating him -- you know, aside from private jets, and the fact that he will go with you to the local beauty supply store on a Saturday afternoon (which I once witnessed them doing together) -- should be the brutal honesty. You know, the idea that if you so much as brushed the fabric of this jumpsuit with your elbow, he would roll his eyes and say, "I'm gonna be honest with you: That is absolutely terrible," or maybe, "If that's what you're gonna wear, then you'd better pack your bags tonight, because that's not going to be enough to keep you in any competition except for Survivor: M.C. Hammer's Harem." So either Terri Seymour made the mistake of not consulting him here, in which case she needs to install a videoconferencing terminal in her closet for when he's out of town, or Simon was only PRETENDING he could see her from behind the piles of "Bleeding Love" profits he was counting on the bed -- in which case, he had better hope that wall of Benjamins is whirling-stiletto-proof.
Half the advantage of dating him -- you know, aside from private jets, and the fact that he will go with you to the local beauty supply store on a Saturday afternoon (which I once witnessed them doing together) -- should be the brutal honesty. You know, the idea that if you so much as brushed the fabric of this jumpsuit with your elbow, he would roll his eyes and say, "I'm gonna be honest with you: That is absolutely terrible," or maybe, "If that's what you're gonna wear, then you'd better pack your bags tonight, because that's not going to be enough to keep you in any competition except for Survivor: M.C. Hammer's Harem." So either Terri Seymour made the mistake of not consulting him here, in which case she needs to install a videoconferencing terminal in her closet for when he's out of town, or Simon was only PRETENDING he could see her from behind the piles of "Bleeding Love" profits he was counting on the bed -- in which case, he had better hope that wall of Benjamins is whirling-stiletto-proof.





